The Advantages of Divorce Mediation and Why It Works
“Arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy‚
so that the couple does not have to take the courageous‚ creative
leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being
a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid
of making a creative breakthrough” — Gay Hendricks
Lori A. Grover is a Divorce and Family Conflict
Mediator trained and nationally certified by Lakewood College‚ a
member of the National Association of Certified Mediators
(NACM)‚ and a member of the Association for
Conflict Resolution (ACR).
Mediation Is About Making Your Own Decisions
We believe Divorce Mediation should
center on the client and they are the best people to decide what
type of agreement they want to make‚ or
even if they want to agree at all. Client–centered‚ or Facilitative
Mediation is not the only type of Mediation. Some Mediators
may use what is called an Evaluative approach
to Mediation‚ acting more like an Arbitrator or Judge to
create a settlement they feel is best for the
parties involved. The problem with the Evaluative approach
to Mediation is that the Divorce Mediator’s idea of
what is fair or right may not be the same as your idea
of what’s fair or right for you.
The choice between a Client Centered approach
and an Evaluative approach isn’t unique
to the Mediation profession. Doctors‚ Attorneys‚ Financial
Planners and other professionals can also be either client focused
or evaluative. Some people‚ for example‚ may prefer
a doctor who’ll just decide what’s best for them‚ while
others want to be an active participant in determining
their treatment options. We believe a Facilitative Divorce
Mediation approach to be the best first choice when
deciding on how to resolve the issues involved in proceeding with your Divorce.
Divorce Mediators Are Experts Trained In Conflict Resolution
Although they complement each other‚ the roles of Mediators‚ Therapists and Attorneys are
as unique as their professional training. And depending on your situation
and the personalities involved‚ it may help to utilize one‚ two
or even all three for their specific expertise during the Divorce
Mediation Process.
Mediators‚ Therapists and Attorneys: The Difference
Just Click On The Description Below
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Mediators
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Mediators are professionally trained in
conflict resolution. Their job is to help each party make
informed decisions and guide them toward agreement thus settling
the problem they face —
In a Divorce for example‚ how to divide
their assets and debt or how to agree on shared coparenting
responsibilities for their children going forward once they
separate — in a way that is fair and considers both parties’ interests. Mediators give each party
every opportunity to reach an agreement‚ but the parties’ themselves make
the decision as to what kind of settlement‚ if
any‚ they want to reach.
The Divorce Resource Center is a provider
of Mediation services. We don’t double
as Therapists or Attorneys.
We are professionally trained in Mediation and conflict
resolution which is a specialty apart from the disciplines
of mental health therapy or the law.
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Therapists
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Therapists are similar to Mediators in
that they too are experts in conflict resolution‚ but
the professions of psychotherapy and mediation are different in
important ways. Therapists deal with internal conflicts.
An increasing number are focusing on couples’ therapy‚ however
they primarily treat individuals‚ facilitating
a client’s personal development by helping their clients
with emotional issues such as abuse‚ self-esteem
issues‚ trauma and loss.
Mediators‚ on the other hand‚ focus exclusively on
conflict resolution between two parties‚ and Divorce
Mediation is more about disentanglement rather
than reconciliation. If a couple Mediating their Divorce decided
to try and rebuild their failing marriage, a Mediator would
refer them to a marriage counselor or family therapist. Therapists
strive to promote deep change in their clients‚ a process
which entails an often difficult review of a client’s
past‚ whereas Mediation is focused
on the client’s future. A Mediator will
guide the discussion towards a couple’s past issues
only to the extent necessary to help them arrive at a more
durable and lasting settlement going forward.
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Attorneys
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Attorneys are experts in Law and
the use of Litigation‚ or legal means
to achieve favorable settlements on behalf of parties in
dispute. Their job is to represent their clients in court
in contesting a dispute or claim through
litigation. Additionally‚ they negotiate with the opposing
side’s Attorney‚ or strive to
persuade the Judge to render a favorable settlement for their
client. In the case of Divorce‚ one
Attorney is hired and files the Petition For Divorce on
behalf of the person who wants the Divorce (the
Plaintiff), and the other party (the Defendant)
hires their own Attorney to represent them‚ who then
responds‚
or answers the Divorce complaint. The two
Attorneys then try to prevail in court on behalf of their
respective clients or they may‚ if they think it expedient‚
try to reach a settlement out of court‚
sometimes just days or even minutes before
a court appearance or trial date.
Consulting Attorneys are complementary to
the Divorce Mediation Process. They offer
great value to parties in Mediation. For
example‚ they can inform you of your legal rights,
help create proposals and counter offers to offers made by
your spouse during Mediation and suggest best and worst case
outcomes should you take your disputed issues into Family
Court. Consulting Attorneys can also be used to
review your proposed Mediated Settlement before
you both sign and make it legally binding.
They can even accompany the parties to Mediation
Sessions.
The Advantages Of Divorce Mediation: You Control The Outcome
The Advantages of Mediating your Divorce instead
of fighting with Litigation are many. Just Click
On The Advantage Description Below
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You Gain Control And Guide The Outcome
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Parties in Divorce Mediation gain the guidance
to make informed choices and have the
power to make fair‚ mutually
agreed upon decisions regarding their children‚
their property and possessions‚ their finances and
their respective futures going forward. You remain
in control. Litigation‚ in contrast‚ surrenders
power over to the Judge and the Attorneys. Consequently,
the outcome can be very unpredictable. In
an age when people feel less control over
their lives, Mediation allows you to assert
yourself as the primary decision maker in a deeply personal
aspect of your life.
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Mediation Works: Mediated Agreements Last
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You’ll Save Money: Lots Of It!
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Mediation is much cheaper than litigation.
Estimates vary considerably as to what a litigated divorce
may eventually cost‚ but $7500-$25‚000 (and
up) per spouse is not uncommon‚ with
some costing much more if the couple chooses
to fight over the kids or their marital estate. Much of
this expense is the attorney’s costs for discovery‚ depositions‚ interrogatories‚ motions‚ conferences‚ subpoenas and
time spent waiting in courtroom hallways — expenses
that are likely to be minimal or non–existent for
a divorce settled using Mediation.
The enormous costs involved in using litigation
pose a serious financial threat to a divorcing
couple at a time when they can least afford
it. A litigated settlement can leave you financially as
well as emotionally traumatized‚ and
this isn’t even taking into account lost time
out of work.
The ironic part is that 90% of litigated
Divorce cases end in a negotiated settlement anyway‚ often
just days or hours before a scheduled court
appearance or the trial begins. The decision to settle usually
coincides with the parties' realization that many of
the most important issues they’ve been fighting over — monetary
support issues such as child support and
the awarding of alimony — will be
set by the Judge using predetermined formulas
or criteria commonly used in all Divorce
cases. Thus they could have saved thousands of
dollars in legal fees had they settled using Divorce
Mediation beforehand.
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Mediation Is A Risk–Free First Resort
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You’ll Protect Your Children From Your Divorce
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The most seriously wounded in an adversarial,
litigated Divorce are always the children
involved. Often used as pawns and caught in the middle yet
expected to take sides‚ children can
suffer untold psychological damage from
a protracted battle between angry‚ divorcing parents.
Experience has demonstrated that children can be spared much of
the fear and anxiety that
usually results when caught between divorcing parents waging
war when their parents choose to peacefully Mediate
their Divorce instead. No longer constantly arguing and berating
one another‚ Mom and Dad are now modeling constructive
problem solving. Your decision to choose divorce
mediation over litigation can set a good example
by teaching your children a positive lesson
in conflict resolution which can benefit
them in future relationships of their own.
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Mediation Is Confidential and Private
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To Encourage the use of Mediation‚ Rhode
Island‚ Massachusetts‚ and Connecticut Law
makes Mediation completely confidential. What happens
in Mediation, stays in Mediation. Any draft
documents prepared or verbal disclosures which occur
during Mediation are private and permanently confidential
unless by mutual agreement with all
the parties including the Mediator‚ and are not admissable
as evidence in Civil Court if no settlement is reached.
Privacy is the also a benefit of using
Mediation. In a litigated Divorce‚ records
and other court documents such as complaints, motions and
exhibits of personal financial information become public information‚
enabling them to be inspected by anyone via
the Court Clerk’s Office in the county where the Divorce
was filed. Settling through Mediation ensures much of
the parties’ personal information
remains private.
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Mediated Settlements Are Legally Binding
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You Won’t Destroy Your Relationship Fighting In Court
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When one spouse initiates litigation‚ the other perceives
it as a hostile act and responds in kind.
It is a law suit after all‚ and that’s how
litigation works. For corporations‚ the courtroom
is just an extension of the marketplace‚ but in a marriage and
a family‚
personal feelings and anger matter a great deal.
This is because interpersonal family disagreements involve
relationships that usually last long after the
Divorce is over.
For example‚ divorced couples frequently need
to continue coparenting their kids through school and sports
events‚ graduations‚ weddings‚ funerals
and then there’s the birth of grandchildren!
Mutual friends and extended family relationships may
also continue after their Divorce also. Unfortunately‚ angry
spouses who immediately begin litigation underestimate this
difficult reality‚
thinking that the relationship will be completely over after
the Divorce is finished when it often times isn’t.
Your children will be glad you chose Mediation‚ most
of all.
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Mediation Won't Destroy You Emotionally
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Nobody enjoys conflict and Divorce can
extract an unbearable mental toll. People
become stressed out and angry, which distracts them from
their jobs, detracts from their health and
can put them at odds with friends and other family
members.
Using Mediation won’t dispel the
hurt, frustration, anger or sense of loss you may feel. But it
will help transform your relationship to the conflict
by engaging you in a constructive resolution process.
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Mediation Is Faster: Proceed At Your Own Pace
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Convenience: You Control The Schedule
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Recognition And Maintaining Your Dignity In Court
Minimize The Trauma And Financial Devastation
Of Divorce
Call 401.228.8789 for your free consultation
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